Letting Go and Moving On: A Shamanic Initiation of the Heart

Letting Go and Moving On: A Shamanic Initiation of the Heart

by Anyaa McAndrew


A few weeks ago, I made a life decision: to let go of a certain kind of work I have been offering to the world since early 2000. It is clear to me that this is a crossroads I have been facing for the past few years, yet every time I facilitated a Shamanic Priestess circle, I was so inspired by the consciousness of the women who stepped forward, and the quality of the work we did together, that I kept saying, “Ok, one more year….”. Years ago I had the opportunity to do what so many others do; to put my work into an on-line format, but the Goddess said “no, it needs to be in-person….too much would be lost in the translation.” So, I kept beating the drum, and the women came, and those who wanted to apprentice, and take this work into their own lives came, and I continued to feel on-purpose.

Now, finally, the time has come, as I move into the winter of my life, to pull in my energy from the temple of the world that has been the way we priestesses walk, and let others carry it on. The Divine Feminine has been seeded by me, and by hundreds and thousands of women worldwide, some self-proclaimed as priestesses and bravely declaring it, and some who have clearly walked the path of the sacred woman of wisdom in quiet solo ways. I honor the priestess in all of us, as my teacher Nicole Christine did. So many of us have been on assignment to do this work! I lay down the path I have carved….through the density of the patriarchy….in these most chilling and challenging of times. I have one last circle~retreat I am facilitating here in early April at my Isis Cove Community here in the Smoky Mountains, and I am anticipating a pretty powerful end-cap to these past 20 years!


Medicine Wheel

Our beautiful Medicine Wheel is our Earth Temple on Dove Mountain. Consisting of 37 stones, each weighing about 1000-2000lbs, the Medicine Wheel has been used for weddings, vision quests and all night ceremonies. Seekers come to this site to connect with healing energies of earth, their ancestors and animal totems. The Medicine Wheel on Dove Mountain is a powerful place to visit and re-member who it is you came here to be.

We will do some of our priestess ceremonies here.

I am a psychotherapist and an astrologer, so I have been tracking my own initiation cycles, wondering what my next soul purpose might be. In my mind I was dreaming of deeper relaxation and renewal. But now I feel my soul may have another agenda. I returned home in late February (less than a week ago as I write this) and woke up the next morning to an email about the end of the annual 6-month dolphin hunt in Japan, and I opened it. I rarely do this because I get so emotionally triggered, but I was compelled to thoroughly read about this recent carnage to dolphins. I believe as others do, that dolphons and whales never intended to be food for humans when they came here, but to carry a certain kind of consciousness from our origins in the stars. Some animals seem to be from the stars, as my Westie Lily was, and some are more connected to the earth. It seems to be the same with us humans. I found myself exploding with grief, so took it to our exquisite community Medicine Wheel, created by Venus Rising.  I recently read a incredible book by my priestess sister Toby Evans called Dead But Not Gone: Are You Part of the Soul-Bridge to Guide Them Home? In that moment I wondered if perhaps I was a soul-bridge for animals. I carry a compassion for animals, including my own fur-kids, that goes beyond ordinary compassion. So, in the rain, I ceremonially walked the Medicine Wheel three times counter-clockwise to open the center as a portal for these dolphins, honoring them, the directions, the ancestors, calling in their Oversouls, and all dolphins and whales who needed a soul-bridge to ascend to their next level of evolution. When I completed, my partner Joe and I noticed that the rain intensified for a few minutes. I considered this an omen.

9 years ago we brought Ena home from a rescue organization in KY

Very early Saturday morning about 2 am, my 10-yr old Cairn Terrier girl Ena, went into a mysterious and severe healing crisis that caused me to drive an hour through the mountains, to an emergency vet hospital where I had to leave her overnight. We noticed a few symptoms earlier in the day but nothing like this. Earlier on Friday, I started her on some natural medicines till we could get to her vet on Monday.  I walked the Medicine Wheel the next day in the same way, this time asking for a miracle, or to open a portal for her release. I was informed later that day that Ena was in serious condition with no clear path to recovery. Joe, Prince my boy-dog and I drove back to Asheville soon after, and with the help of our animal healer Tammy Billups energetically connecting to her in a way so familiar to Ena, we assisted her in crossing over the Rainbow Bridge. It was a compassionate, heartbreaking, and courageous experience for all of us, especially Ena and me. It all happened in about 14 hours, barely enough time to say good-bye. Many of you know very well from your own experiences with your four-legged Beloveds (and your human Beloveds) how heart-wrenching this is. We are in a deep quiet grief at my house, where Ena was, as Joe says, “the life of the party”. We brought her body home with us for closure: for us, our other animals and her human friends. The next day Lindi and Joe cermonially wrapped her in blankets, and with eleven of us circled up, and one dog attending, we buried her behind the garden. We will plant flowers soon, when I can find my way to celebrating Spring.


She has a beautifully carved wooden headstone to mark her grave, created by Ray, a generous community member.

I had no idea that the universe would need to take my Ena-girl when I committed to finding a new purpose, but I understand in the great cycle of things that this heart-wrenching-open initiation is likely a part of it all. It will take me some time to fully integrate and it will take some commitment to keep my heart fully open. And, as I initiate and ordain several new priestesses soon, I will be completing a heart intiation into a new and as yet uncharted phase of my life. Thank you for reading my story. My hope is that it touches your heart, and renews your reverence for all life, and awakens the Sacred Witness within you.







To Ena

a heart-opening charmer of a dog –

I hope where you’re going,

there are plenty of squirrels,

imaginary and real

for you to chase,

and treats to eat that can’t be beat.

and plenty of hands to nuzzle under,

plenty of hearts to melt,

plenty of princes to provoke,

and forever fresh reminders

of just how deeply you are loved.

I am but one of many who will miss you,

your bark, your tender feistiness, your sulky shyness,

            your morning glee, your irrepressible spirit,

            just having you there to greet me, not just with

                        unconditional love, but also

                         with boundless enthusiasm…

is a gift beyond measure.

It’s enough to break down any wall, any barrier, any block to love…

How exactly is that you do this magic?

Even now, as your body lies still in that flimsy cardboard box,

you touch the hearts of everyone in this circle,

radiating outward farther than eyes can see,

            something so beautiful,

                        so vast,

            that we can only smile as we cry in its passing,

                        in yours,

                                    dear Ena Bodina,

thank you for touching my life with your paw.

by Joe Landwehr 3/3/19






In this season of Peace, Join me in sending out this Global Vision!

The Global Vision: A World that Works for Everyone and for All Creation

Where all life is honored as expressions of the Divine

Where people live according to spiritual truth

Where humanity awakens to spiritual magnificence

Where humanity rediscovers personal creative power

Where we live as one global family

Where kinship with all life prospers

Where unity and connection is emphasized

Where forgiveness is the norm

Where spiritual guidance is valued

Where we are called to conscious social action

Where people have enough food, homes and a sense of belonging

Where there is peace, harmony, and justice for all.

Where resources are valued, cared for, and shared

Where communities are meaningfully involved in service to the world

Where there is a renewed emphasis on beauty, nature, creativity, art, and aesthetics

We envision a world that works for everyone and for all of creation


Solstice, Holyday, Holiday and New Years’ Blessings to you and your Beloveds,

Anyaa McAndrew & Joe Landwehr

The Perils of the Patriarchy by Gemini Adams

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From Anyaa: An Irish Sister with some powerful words in a timely rant:

“Never. Did I imagine that on this journey of life I’d end up on a stage using the words cum, tits, cunt, woman, shriveled, whore, fucking, Disney, priests, terror, at the same time. Yet, that’s what happens when you share your writings on…The Perils of the Patriarchy: An Ode

Piercing with your sword of hate,
You penetrate and poison,
The purity of humanity,
The love of the Mother,
The innocence of the sweet child,
Tearing away the right to feel safe,
Inside our very own being,
Even our homes.

You judge, criticise, compare,
Contorting the essence of womanhood,
Which lies hidden within,
Not worn as adornments,
Bouncing Baywatch-style breast implants
Perfectly polished, plastic nails,
Prettily puckered,
And plumped lips,
Laden with lead,
Toxic, chemically coiffed hair,
Or heels that steal,
Our barefoot connection,
With Her – the Earth.

You poke, tweak,
Fuck and leave,
Calling it sex,
But we’re never impressed,
Our bodies empty of pleasure as,
Your balls of cum, when,
You’ve wastefully exploded your,
Life-giving sperm,
Onto our tits,
Grinning with cunning,
Calling it fun.

How my heart breaks,
For your delusion,
The persuasiveness of porn,
And the empty lives it pervades,
Devoid of deep, intimate connection
Of sensual touch,
And eyes locking into gaze,
Joining souls across dimensions,
Bodies flowering,
Opening to oceans of pure, pure pleasure,
And union, as tantric centres awaken,
A vine of sacred love entwining,
With deliciously,
Deliciously, sweet satisfaction.

The Priestess knows,
Deep in her soul,
She remembers the time,
When men were not wankers,
Called to enter the Temple,
For initiation into the art of sensuality,
No late night XXX channel,
The mess, mopped up with Kleenex,
But rather,
A ceremonial ritual,
To bless and give thanks for the,
Divine elixir expressed.

She knows this isn’t the way,
T & A spread all about town,
Protruding from mini-dresses,
Plastered on billboards,
Flashing on screens,
Naked in strip clubs,
Advertising everything from,
Cars to baked beans,
How did we allow ourselves,
To be so defiled?
Where did we step down,
From our throne,
Chuck away our crown,
And accept,
Instead of being worshipped,
To be reviled?

We gave them the weapon,
We denounced our power,
Blaming them won’t help,
Silently they’ll call you a cunt,
Because they’re bitter, angry,
Lost and afraid,
These warriors know they have,
Nothing more to fight for,
The Queen has left the building,
So, what’s the point in winning?
There’s no reward in returning,
Home from battle,
To the arms of a woman,
Devastated by self-hatred.

She has nothing to give,
Her river run dry,
Her heart shrivelled in fear,
Of not being ______,
(fill in the blank) enough,
Her days spent,
Desperately scouring,
The celeb mags and sites,
To find the One,
Eyebrow tweeze,
Nip or tuck,
That will make her feel good again.

Just like the boy,
Whose mother,
And neglects,
Deep down,
The anger swells,
The pain of failing to find the,
Presence in connection,
With another,
Turns to poison,
Which must,
Be purged.

But men don’t turn this,
In on themselves,
Like us women,
Oh no,
They have a divining rod,
Rather than a receptacle,
An arrow to fire,
A dagger to insert,
A gun to shoot,
A missile to aim,
At target unknown.

Does it really matter?
As long as it has real,
T & A and isn’t a,
Masquerading Ladyboy.

The point is,
Aim for the Vagina,
With the venomous blade,
To direct,
And conquer,
To release,
And unleash,
All the pent up rage,
At no longer having a Queen,
To stand strong for,
To serve,
To be sure of.

This transmutes into,
The raw agony of a mother,
Hearing her husband,
Fucking her under age daughter,
The weeping virgin sold as bride,
To a deviant middle aged man,
The cute chica from the club,
Whose consent was compromised,
The minute he gave her ketamine,
Waking the next day,
Wondering why she’s so sore?

The pretty princess,
Deluded by Disney,
To be nice and polite,
And silently wait,
For the prince,
To come rescue her,
From the big bad dragon,
Or wake her from the,
Thousand year sleep,
Giving her life,
As if she’s incapable,
Of making it,
Without his assistance.

The lady,
Sprinting from the terror,
Of the man’s footsteps,
That follow her,
Down the dark alley,
Or the woman who,
Lies awake at night,
For the drunken assault,
That’s going to rearrange,
Her furniture,
Or face.

The yogi devoted to her Swami,
Until his fingers force their way,
Into her Lululemon pants,
While she’s in,
Downward facing dog,
Freezing with fear,
And uncertainty,
As he suggestively says,
Just surrender,
To my healing hands.

The innocent girl,
Seeking stardom,
Forced to secure her role,
Not with talent,
But, an uncomfortable night,
On the casting couch,
Contorting her principles,
With a Hollyweird producer,
Claiming first dibs,
As he gifts her a place,
Not on the Oscar nominees list,
But in the swelling ranks of,
The #MeToo movement.

The mother who blindly,
Follows Him,
Praying as she,
Places her kids innocently,
Into the sticky-fingered paws,
of popes and priests,
Unaware of the perils,
And perversions,
They’ll endure at the,
Hands of these,
Ahem ….
Holy men.

Others tout the benefits of polyamory,
A paradigm for the New Earth,
They claim,
But isn’t it just,
Acting out the wounding,
And unmet desires for attention,
Of a child,
Who failed to receive,
From their avoidant,
Or abusive parent?

My friends,
What kind of world,
Are we co-creating here?
Where you prick away at,
Our safety,
Our right to belong,
In a world of loving kindness,
Yet truly,
I fear,
Your pain,
Is worse than ours.

Because, inside you know,
You toppled her,
You killed the Queen,
You chose to murder the Mother,
For your own convenience,
A moment of peace,
A position of power,
To rule the kingdom your way,
To have us follow,
Yet, you have failed.

It takes two to tango,
One man dancing alone,
Swinging his dick,
Like a disco queen,
Ain’t romantic,
Or sexy, either,
Devoid of a woman’s passion,
Sensuality and
Wild abandon.

Endless emotion,
Explosive desire,
And, most obviously,
No-one desires to dance alone,
Yet, you’ve made it so,
Forcing us to abandon you,
So, now you’re waltzing solo.

And, what a mess you’re making,
Two steps when it should be one,
You’re limp,
When you need to be strong,
Your pace is pathetic,
Rather than poetic,
The music plays,
But it no longer moves you,
The strings scream at your heart,
Yet, the response is silence,
Sealed shut to emotion,
Like the lid of an ancient tomb.

Stuck in this darkness, we weep,
Mind, body, heart and soul,
Desperately praying for a saviour,
To come,
God, Jesus, Allah, anyone?
Someone who will rescue us from this,
But, they are all men,
Where, oh where is the Goddess?

Yet, we need her alive,
In the wombs of our sisters,
She lurks,
As a fox burrowed in its lair,
For What?
The time has come,
We cannot allow,
This anymore,
Not on our watch.

The hands of History,
Are quickly,
Changing direction,
Us and them,
No longer works,
Her story is needed,
It’s time to turn,
Me on its head,
So it becomes We,
Are in this together,
Called, loudly…

To unite,
Heal this pain,
His and Hers,
So that together,
We can co-create,
a Safer World.”

– Gemini Adams, 2018

#timesup #safeworldsummit #safeireland

Share here >>>>> https://www.wombsense.com/…/perils-of-the-patriarchy-timesup

In Honor of “One Billion Rising”…pass it on, post it, be it!



If there is one thing I know….
It’s that WOMEN will lead the next revolution.

Men. It is time to be humble allies to the rise of the strong feminine. That healing will serve all of us, and it is necessary now more than ever. By working together.

“My Revolution Lives in my Body”
Written by Eve Ensler, Performed by Rosario Dawson

The Feminine Divine: a blog by Stuart Davis


Just finished three days at the third annual Integral Spiritual Center gathering. I was privileged enough to provide music for a group of spiritual teachers that included Father Thomas Keating, Brother David Steidle-Ross, Rabbi Zallman, Roger Walsh, Swami Sally Kempton, Linda and Saniel Bonder, Musho Di Hamilton Sensei, Genpo Roshi, Terry Patton, James Fowler, David Deida, Sophia Diaz, and of course the kooky Bodhisattva we have to thank for the whole thing, Ken Wilber.One of the things that came up at this ISC event that I really feel aligned with is the sense that what is really needed right now is a full integration of the feminine. The divine feminine, of course, but also in a practical sense, socially, politically, and personally. Not just more feminine leadership and guidance, but a more full unfolding of the feminine in men as well.


On day two of the event Genpo Roshi, while conducting Big Mind with the group, asked to speak to one of the deeper feminine voices in each of us. What came through me (speaking as that Feminine voice) was a real sense of heart break and waiting. The Divine Feminine voice in me said she was waiting for five little boys to grow up (Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism). She needs -literally- to make love in this world, to give birth to a new way for the planet to exist. She has been holding her love and attention over this planet for thousands of years, watching as five little boys have had their way with a World they are not mature enough to steward. She is waiting to usher in a future, but she can’t do it alone, and she won’t have a partner until the five little boys grow up. Humanity’s survival depends on it. Not the survival of the religions, or faith, or god, or even the planet. People. If people are going to keep living, if we have hope of being around in 1,000 or 10,000 years from now, we will have grow into a full, mature balance with the feminine -at every level of ourselves.


I’m not a militant feminist or anything, but I (stuart, that is, the normal guy, not the Divine Feminine) will say flat out that the five major religions have been an unremitting patriarchal circus for as far back as we care to trace their history. To this day, none of them have truly included, embraced, and expressed the depths of the healthy mature feminine Wisdom that is so desperately needed to usher us into our future selves.


I thought it was very interesting that David Deida pointed to research that shows women (collectively) are developmentally 15 years ahead of men in this country. I believe it. Being at ISC this week has really put me back in touch with this ache, this pain in my heart that unless all of us -men & women- find a way to bring true mature balance to our Wisdom traditions, we’re screwed. I am convicted that unless 1, the five little boys grow into healthy men, and 2, the feminine and masculine of those traditions grow into a balance they’ve never had -unless those two things happen, the prospects are very, very dim.


Either the next 1,000 years will be the age of the feminine or it will simply be one of the last ages. That would be so sad, and honestly the ache in my heart over this also comes from hoping we don’t forfeit this incredible gift. The precious, rare human vehicle. Such an exquisite combination, our blend of animal and angel. Every minute we straddle base instinct and high intuition.


I started really ruminating about this stuff around 2001. No coincidence this when I fell in love with my wife. In a very concrete way, the feminine divine showed up in my life through my wife, and since that first time we kissed I have been a student of that Mystery. I don’t just literally experience my wife as a Goddess, an Angel, a Dakini. I KNOW she is. There are few things I am sure of in this way. But I do know I am utterly incapable -on my own- of becoming a better person, of living more fully as love, of going against the seduction of my personal preferences, of being a dad, a partner, an artist, a spiritual practitioner. And I do know absolutely that my wife is the only person I’ve ever met who I trust enough to enter the crucible of Family. I am clear that I need to learn how to serve the feminine (mundane and divine) and that I really, really need help. My wife is the one. She is the living embodiment of feminine wisdom that I don’t understand but so deeply need. I cannot survive without it, I cannot fulfill my purpose without her. Having taken the Bodhisattva’s Vow (to awaken for the sake of all beings, to continue working until they are all free) I know how LOST I would be in this work without her. The truth is left to my own impulses, my own preferences, my offering would be a fraction of what it is with her.


She has not had the easiest job in the world. When she became my partner I’d spent ten years doing what I wanted, with whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted. I had a very distorted perspective of love, family, relationship, and spirituality. I was a dissociated Zen Practitioner. My idea of practice was climbing into my Buddhist Tree Fort in the clouds and removing myself from the mess of reality, family, relationships. My wife is the only one who’s ever been able to get me out of that tree fort in the sky. She has pulled me into mess after mess. I am not out of the woods, I never will be. But after five years with her I feel so blessed that she has had the patience and strength to sit in the furnace with me. To hold me in relationship, to help me learn to be a husband, a friend, a father. It has been slow and painful, for everyone involved. I would not trade it for anything in the Universe. I feel it working. I know my life is in the right place.


This is how the science of love works. The empirical method of “we”. I go kicking and screaming, fighting my wife (because I am that little boy, I have been all five little boys my whole life). My personality, the facade of my small self, screams “this is bullshit! fuck this!”. My soul knows better, and says “freak out all you want, we’re following HER.” And luckily, the soul is actually steering the vehicle. These experiments prove what works. You repeat the experiment, it works again. Pretty soon it’s obvious that trusting this woman, that leaning into her wisdom produces more clarity, greater depth, bigger love. You can’t deny the data.


The soul will let the personality sit on its lap and pretend its driving most of the time, but when a truly important direction is needed, it will take the wheel and tell the personality “too bad, we’re going this way”. And that’s the way it’s been with me and my wife. My personality -for years- thought it was all insane. Marriage? Kids? Messy, noisy, complicated tests that continually expose me as the clumsy, lazy, dork I am? Why would I take that instead of fucking groupies, changing towns every night, hotels, parties, and an endless succession of fun (intermingled with lots of Buddhist meditation to make me look SOOOO good and spiritual…). Why did I go with my wife instead of the carnival? More importantly why have I stayed with my wife? More-more importantly why has she stayed with me? Put up with the punishing trial that is marriage to spoiled little boy?


Because she sees beyond it. Beneath it, through it, and she knows there’s more in there. A husband, a dad, an artist, a Bodhisattva wanting to do real work, who really needs help. She sees things I can’t, and lucky for me it happens to be her craft, her genius, to patiently tease apart the knots, to study the blocks with the love that dissolves them. Over years of holding her love over the chaos in my head and heart and soul, something happens. A little boy grows up.


That is what I want. To learn in this life how to leave the World more whole, more full of love than it was when I came into it. I want to participate in serving the age of Feminine on this planet, because our healing requires it, and so does our survival. Beyond just surviving, I know we can’t really be free without that part. Nothing can be left behind, left out. It’s a very big thing to want those five little boys to grow up. But the way I can help make that happen is just really recognizing how I am that little boy. Focus my life by trusting and submitting to my wife and daughters as often as is needed (millions upon millions of times). Not just submitting in a way that forfeits my power. Surrendering in the way that allows me to die into a bigger self. I can’t do it without her.


It does not often make sense to my rational mind. The gifts my wife and daughters give me are routinely unrecognizable to my thinking self. But my soul knows its in the right hands. As the little boy of Buddhism, I am so grateful to be able to be growing up, and into a better partner for my wife. And I want my daughters to grow into a world where their feminine presence, their unique Wisdom is received as the saving Grace it truly is.


I want to take this moment to thank all the women who have been waiting for the little boys to grow up. Thank you for your patience and your willingness to remain. Please show us how to receive the gift of your grace. Thank you for not giving up on us, after all we’ve put you through. Even in the midst of what we’re putting you through right now, all over the world. Help us wake up in time.