Author: Anyaa McAndrew

Priestesses of the World

By Anyaa McAndrew

It was a cold summer night on the Isle of Lewis in the highlands of Scotland. The stones of Callenish haunted the landscape like the Ancient Ones of legend. My heavy red velvet cape was keeping me toasty warm as we ushered in the full moon on this auspicious night we were here to ceremonialize. It was 1997 and in that moment I felt the priestess within me quicken and congeal. This part of me was longing to be re-born and to have her say in my life.

Inspired by her first book journaling her own Priestess Processâ„¢, I met Nicole Christine a few months before in Sedona, Arizona. She agreed that if I could gather enough women in Atlanta she would come to facilitate the 9-month “Awakening the Priestess Within” process. In October of 1997, 12 women began the process, and in June of 1998, 11 women “emerged” priestesses, some self-proclaimed and some ordained. Stepping through every imaginable fear of our selves and our power, we danced, journaled, and shared our life stories. We created awesomely beautiful ceremonies, held council when we needed to be serious & played when we didn’t. We laughed, cried and bonded for a lifetime. Most of all, we found a deep, rich core in ourselves that is authentically our priestess selves. We will never be the same, for each of us has recovered a piece of our Soul and our Sacred Work in the world. This is no small task at the Turning of the Ages when there is so much available and so much confusion about what has authentic heart & meaning.

Since 1998 I have gone on to do the High Priestess Magdalene Mystery teachings with Nicole Christine and I facilitate “Awakening the New Millennium Priestess” circles. The women who participate are mothers, practicing healers, corporate executives, artists, writers, technicians, teachers & women on the quest for their life’s mission. Every circle is as unique as the women within it. As each circle walks together for the 9-month journey to spiritual empowerment, its’ unique contribution to the community is further defined. Networking among members, partnerships, and community projects blossom from the abundant creativity available. Sacred Presence returns through each of us at this auspicious time on planet Earth. We have the unique opportunity to help guide our destiny.

If you feel called to this process, please join us for an Introductory Weekend in the Atlanta area or e-mail to find out about an “Awakening the New Millennium Priestess” circle in your area!

Another Tantric Viewpoint

By Liz Estrata and Gary Wilson

Much time and effort in the last few decades has been well spent in absolving us of guilt for various behaviors mankind once self-righteously condemned. Yet humanity’s benediction is small comfort if you’re suffering from an addiction or slave to an unwanted fetish.

Rick, for example, was an alcoholic for years. He kept his drinking in the closet. His self-imposed isolation made him a social recluse, fed a tendency toward depression (which led to further chemical dependence in the form of Prozac™), and resulted in deep self-loathing.

Suzanne lived with a sexual fetish: she never had orgasm unless she ran a torture movie in her mind. For years she wondered what was wrong with her. Eventually she learned that her pediatrician had done some minor snipping of her genitals when she was an infant. Yet, even after she understood the reason for her pain/arousal association, she couldn’t break the iron link between her “turn on” mechanism and the reward of orgasm.

Both Rick and Suzanne are free of these obsessions without time spent on a psychiatrist’s couch. How did they do it? By learning to make love differently. Not only did this change free them of their compulsions, but there is also a growing body of scientific evidence to explain how it could.

In July-August, 2002, Clinical Neuropharmacology published an article about a man who was given high doses of dopamine to treat Parkinson’s disease. Dopamine can alleviate the shaking associated with Parkinson’s. After 70 years as a run of the mill heterosexual, he suddenly found himself cross-dressing. When doctors decreased his dosage, the urge to put on his wife’s clothing evaporated. The authors hypothesized that excess, or sensitivity to, dopamine may be behind both paraphilias (fetishes) and hypersexuality (sex addictions).

The Role of Dopamine in Sex and Addictions

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that occurs naturally in the brain. Its primary job is to “light up” a section of the primitive brain with intense pleasure when we take any action that once furthered mankind’s survival. The dopamine reward is so powerful that in an experiment where rats could push a lever to stimulate this portion of their brains, they “blissed” themselves to death, without even pausing to eat.

Evolutionary biology has found its uses for this mechanism. For example, we receive a dopamine reward for:

– eating high calorie foods, because the best way our nomadic ancestors could store food was as fat,
– taking risks, because bold, aggressive lovers were more likely to pass on their genes, and
– having sex, even when a harsh existence didn’t leave our ancestors with much opportunity for hanky-panky, or energy/resources for raising offspring. (Orgasm is basically a big blast of dopamine in our primitive brain)

As Burnham and Phelan, the authors of MEAN GENES, From Sex to Money to Food, Taming our Primal Instincts, point out, such activities now create more havoc than benefit. For example,

– High calorie foods are too plentiful for many of us, yet we continue to receive our biological reward for ordering extra fries. This reward for impulsive consuming, rather than saving, also causes many of us to run up nasty credit card debts.
– The reward for taking risks proves equally treacherous for some. We develop gambling addictions or obsessions for extreme sports because they offer such a buzz.
– Sexual stimulation is readily available these days, and compulsion to orgasm frequently leads to irresponsible and aggressive sexual behavior. This particular reward has achieved its biological objective so well that many cultures have already overpopulated themselves to the point of starvation.

The “dopamine for engaging in sex” reward is also the mechanism behind sexual fetishes and compulsive masturbation/sex addictions. It’s hard to kick any habit that’s readily accessible, and for which we receive such an intense reward.

This point brings us to alcohol and drug addictions. Over the course of history, mankind has cleverly (?) learned to hijack this pleasure/reward mechanism with numerous substances that do not further our survival as a species: alcohol, cocaine, nicotine, chocolate, and heroin, to name a few. Some of thes ”like too much orgasm” trigger the release of so much dopamine (or block so much of its re-absorption) that they overwhelm the dopamine breakdown process. Our bodies can’t restore equilibrium.

Unfortunately, too much dopamine floating around in our synapses can lead to nerve damage. This may explain why our bodies eventually cope with these “pleasure excesses” by reducing the number of sites on our nerve cells to which dopamine can bind. (Unless dopamine binds, it cannot stimulate the pleasure nerve.) Sadly, this protective “down regulation” of dopamine receptors feels to us like an intense “low.” All the joy has literally gone out of our lives at a neurochemical level until our receptors wake up again.

To cope with these periods of intense anxiety (and our sense that something vital is missing), we usually reach for higher and higher doses of dopamine (whether through orgasm, drugs or alcohol). So our addictions are often mutually reinforcing, and we are less and less likely to achieve any lasting sense of lasting well-being. Instead we forget what it feels like to operate with a natural sense of healthy equilibrium and end up dependent upon lithium, Prozac™, and so on.

Often we do our relationships irreparable damage while under the influence of this high/low cycle. Sure, our partner looks delicious as the dopamine pounds between our ears. But we tend to “fall out of love” just as fast when we’re feeling “off.” In short, our emotions (and attraction to our partner) tend to be governed by these powerful, fluctuating feelings and we mistake them for our will. Many times we change partners frequently because of this syndrome believing we’re victims of incompatibility. Actually, we’re victims of brain chemical delusions.
Regaining Control of Our Circuitry

As we said earlier, Rick and Suzanne regained control of their primitive brains by learning to make love differently. Instead of following biology’s “dopamine incentive plan” in bed, they employed an approach to sex that’s been around for thousands of years. It calls for avoiding conventional orgasm in favor of another quality of sexual ecstasy. Clues about it are found in Taoist, pre-Roman Christian (“Gnostic”), and selected Tantric texts. These sources speak of a deeply satisfying, very balanced way of making love that stills cravings and is remarkable for its calmness. It is also a path to heightened awareness.

They took a very slow route to intercourse, first sleeping together every night for several weeks. They spent that time cuddling and exchanging energy through massage, dancing, laughing, talking about past relationship trauma and comforting each other, without having sex. To their amazement they felt deeply satisfied by their “love making.” In fact, Rick noted that after three days, the burning desire to have conventional orgasm decreased substantially, even though his libido did not.

When they did add intercourse to their intimacy they stuck to a schedule instead of being spontaneous. Biology rewards spontaneous sex with lots of exciting neurochemicals because it is more likely to result in careless pregnancy. But Rick and Suzanne were consciously tiptoeing past all the familiar dopamine reward triggers commonly known as “skilled foreplay for great, hot sex.”

They discovered that there are other kinds of orgasms. Rick, for example, described his experiences as “heart orgasms” periods of ecstatic closeness that go on and on without the “heat up and explode” experience biology had been rewarding him for.

As the months passed, they also noticed that their relationship had a stability and sense of emotional equilibrium that had been absent from past relationships. They laughed more and processed less. Instead of taking each other for granted, they became increasingly attentive and generous. They spent much of their time harmoniously together. The familiar need for “space” they’d experienced in past relationships disappeared. They were both unusually productive in their careers. Rick was able to stop drinking entirely within a few months, and, months later, also withdrew from Prozac™ (something he’d never thought would be possible, due to a personal and genetic history of depression).

Suzanne, who was also very orgasmic and sexually active, had begun experimenting with non-orgasmic sex years earlier. She’d already found that without the reward of orgasm, her fetish had faded away. What a relief! She also noticed that her chronic problems with yeast infection and urinary tract infection had disappeared. Moreover, one of her lovers, who had herpes, discovered that he never had an outbreak while he avoided conventional orgasm.
How Could this Be?

Rick has a human sciences background, so he wondered if science could explain how making love without conventional orgasm might have such powerful, beneficial effects. He unearthed some fascinating clues. Not only did he deepen his understanding of how dopamine can drive addictions and fetishes, he also found evidence that biology rewards sex with multiple partners. An experiment involving rats demonstrated that if a rat was sexually exhausted with one mate, and then moved to a cage with another mate, the exhausted rat would perk right up. No wonder polyamory and polygamy are appealing biology wants it that way.

Rick learned that the “heart orgasms” he and Suzanne had experienced were probably a function of another, non-addictive neurochemical, oxytocin. Ocytocin promotes deeper bonding and selfless behavior. It, too, feels great, though it is not an explosive reward like dopamine. It also does not trigger a defensive “low” (or sense of lack) and it has a host of other benefits. It makes females more sexually receptive and promotes sexual arousal in males. It also increases the attraction between established partners, but not between unfamiliar potential mates.

And it’s a powerful tonic. It reduces pain signals to the brain, so we feel better. It mitigates the effects of cortisol, a stress hormone that otherwise lowers our immunity to disease, causes us to gain weight, damages our brain cells, and lessens our ability to cope. Rick also found research from Heartmath Institute revealing that open-hearted emotions, associated with oxytocin, correlate with faster regeneration, reversal of high blood pressure, better cognitive ability, higher levels of DHEA (anti-aging hormone), and improved immune response.

Nor was his recovery from addiction any longer a mystery. Oxytocin diminishes the effects of addiction. For example, rats addicted to heroin, which they could self-administer, used significantly less heroin when also injected with oxytocin. Oxytocin has also been shown to ease withdrawal from cannabis. In short, Rick’s personal experience of healing an alcohol addiction that had haunted him for 15 years was entirely aligned with the latest scientific findings. With more oxytocin flowing, impossible challenges had become quite manageable.

To tap the benefits of oxytocin we must stay “in our hearts.” If we’re feeling gratitude, reverence, love or a sense of selfless nurturing, even a conventional orgasm is going to have powerful benefits. However, conventional orgasms especially over time carry the risk of setting off the “down regulation” low that we mentioned earlier. A sense of lack can trigger a selfish pursuit of more and more dopamine. Often this leads to feelings of defensiveness or greed both of which close the heart. Without the ecstasy oxytocin contributes, sex deteriorates into “just sex.” That often fuels a search for thrills from switching partners, or increasingly intense foreplay and orgasm techniques.

So if those solutions don”t call you, or if you are struggling to release an addiction or fetish, take comfort in knowing that a powerful antidote lies in lovemaking that promotes equilibrium, rather than highs and lows. This equilibrium brings well-being to aspects of our lives that have no direct relationship to sex. And, according to the Taoists, this inner calm may be the precursor for a permanent, transcendental shift. As Lao Tsu wrote long ago:

Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural. Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit, mind with mind, and every cell of one body with every cell of the other body. The cords of passion and desire weave a binding net around you….The trap of duality is tenacious. Bound, rigid, and trapped, you cannot experience liberation. Through dual cultivation it is possible to unravel the net, soften the rigidity, dismantle the trap. you become filled with inexhaustible vitality and are liberated forever from the cycle of death and rebirth.

We hope you’ll help us look until we find what Lao Tsu found and settle for nothing less.

Liz Estrata is the author of PEACE BETWEEN THE SHEETS: Sexual Relationships that Heal, which contains a simple, step-by-step program for couples who wish to outwit biology. It is available through Amazon.

Guest Room

By Susanna Medecin

It Takes Two to Tantra

We slept late–was that an accident?–and our “homeplay” was perfunctory. We didn’t have time for the scene setting; the languorous perfumed bath, and the sensual music. But we did have our Aloha massage oil and our Astroglide. My lover began stroking me. The instruction Charles had given him gave a sureness, and at the same time curiosity, to his lovemaking. He was confident in his ability to please me and watchful toward my responses, I writhed under his fingers as he first stroked my clitoris, noticing that the silky oil was the perfect lubricant outside, while the water based substance was better within. As he’ went inside, I pressed toward, feeling deep chords of pleasure gathering within me. As my excitement heightened, I heard him telling me, “Breathe”-and as I gulped in the air I started to come. He stopped stroking and held me as cries continued, and then slowly started again. The second time I came quickly, and as I lay languorous in his arms, he said, “It’s time to go now.”

It was Sunday morning and everything we’d learned over the weekend had, pardon the expression, come together. Starting Friday evening, we’d been soaked in sex, thinking about it, talking about it, and flexing all our sexual muscles just for this moment.

Our “homeplay” had certainly paid off. Two orgasms in a matter of minutes and I wanted more . But now Keith was reminding we we didn’t want to be late again, and half-reluctantly, we drove back to class.

Thirty-five couple sat on the floor in various stages of embrace, as the more uninhibited told the group what the previous night had been like.
We were gathered for a weekend workshop in Tantric Sex in California’s Marin County. “Marin,” as it is familiarly known around the San Francisco Bay, is famous for its high rate of singles, BMWs as well as its laid-back New Age life style. The crowd in the room, ranging from university students playing hooky, vestigial hippies in tie-dye, and more corporate types in suburban clothes, had the healthy, warm, California look of people interested in sex.

Marin may also be the country’s capital for tantric sex, a collection of sex techniques from the East, often clothed in the language and aura of New Age spirituality. There were a number of noted “Tantrikas,” as practitioners are called, in the area and numerous workshops spread the practices and brought practitioners, together. Perhaps the best-known gurus of this esoteric but ever-more popular tradition were Charles and Caroline Muir, who ran Tantra Source School in Hawaii and made frequent visits to the West Coast and Mexico.

We arrived Friday evening to find Charles and Caroline sitting cross-legged in yoga position of a low bed-like platform between to vases of red roses. Charles was a graceful six-foot-four bunk in white Levi’s, and a blue silk shirt that matched his eyes. Caroline was a lithe, leotard-clad blond in her early 50’s. “We all have the ability to release unlimited sexual energy-to have wave after wave of glorious, easy release,” Caroline told us that first evening, and Charles promised the men he would teach them how. “Inside every woman’s vagina is a ‘sacred spot,”‘ he told the group. “If a man is willing to take the time, he can learn to touch this spot in a way that will pleasure and heat his woman.”
We separated into mixed groups of three and each spoke for three minutes about our early sexual experiences. A man in my trio confessed he’d been a Catholic priest for 15 years, but had decided that he needed to develop his sexuality to proceed spiritually. When we were asked to “share,” with the rest of the group at large, one threesome described themselves as “recovering Catholics.” Others talked about early abuse or punishment. The most common theme voiced was the desire to bring love and sex together in their lives.

From talk, we proceeded to touch. After rolling up our sleeves and first caressing our own arms, we practiced different strokes-pinch, knead, tap-in different degrees of yin (feminine, soft) and yang (masculine, hard). Then we were asked to choose partners. “In Tantra, women always do the choosing,” Charles told us, and asked us each to pick a stranger across the room and to take turns doing the exercise with him. As the receiver lay on the floor, eyes closed, the giver followed Charles through the various strokes.

Next, we returned to our seats and learned how to isolate our “PCs” or “love muscles,” as Charles and Caroline called them, and were taught how to do the exercises I knew as Kegels. I’d known that they could help women enhance or trigger orgasm, but now I learned that men, too, could use them to enhance orgasm or control ejaculation.

Towards the end of the evening, as we sat in our seats, we practiced putting the breathing and Kegels together. “Your orgasm can ride the wave of your breath,” Charles told us. “The key is sound. Keep the sound going as you breathe, breathe, breathe. Start to breathe in about halfway into the peak of your orgasm. The ‘building up’ feeling of climax will continue for as long as you can sustain the inhalation. Then release the breath with as much sound as possible. Really sing out. With practice you can keep the orgasm going for more than one breath. I’ve had one that went as long as nine breaths. And every couple of weeks I have another ‘best ever”. No, I did not have an orgasm sitting in my seat, though I’m not sure no one else did. But I was beginning to think these people were on to something.

We closed the evening with a puja, a Hindu word meaning worship, forming circles of eight or nine couples, women on the inside. We performed a brief ritual-eye contact, an embrace, hand to the back of the heart, a bow-with each man before moving around the circle to the next. At each stage, there were different instructions. “Look into the eyes of your partner,” said Charles. “Women, look into his eye and ask him, ‘what are you afraid I might see?’ The whispers buzzed around the room: “I’m afraid you might see my insecurity. I’m afraid you might see my fear, my pretension, my dishonesty.” Then Caroline told the men, “just be the receiver. Just be there. Picture the women in your life who weren’t there for you in the past. Let the priestess in her run that energy through you. You don’t have to give back; you’re just being
held.” At this phase, two men broke down and cried in my arms. That night our homeplay was to repeat the touch exercise with our own partners; singles could practice stroking themselves. Caroline and Charles wished us a “good night.”

The word tantra, as contemporary teachers are using it, refers to techniques-including meditation, breathing, chanting and visualization as well as specific sexual practices developed centuries ago in Indian and Tibetan Buddhism to increase ecstasy in spiritual practice. The purpose in tantric sexual ritual was to stoke both male and female sexual energy to the highest level-men withholding ejaculation-to reach blazing states of “bliss” or “clear light.” Women were worshipped as essential to awakening the powerful life energy called “Shakti,” and women were seen as earthly embodiments of goddesses.

Tantra is woman-centered, perhaps because women owned property and therefore had high status in Himalayan cultures. Ancient Tantric texts focussed on female sexual pleasure. In fact, some of the texts were written by women, and women passed on sexual initiation to both women and men. Tantrikas, as practitioners were called, knew all about the G-spot centuries before Western science in the form of Ernst Grafenburg, the male gynecologist for who it’s named, ‘discovered” it. Tantric Buddhists called it the ‘Southern Pole.” Recently neo-Tantric have taken techniques once used in esoteric spiritual practice to fill western goals of healing and educating. “It’s really sex education dressed up in fancy clothes,” said a psychology writer who attended the Muirs’ seminar.

Caroline is crouched leopard-like on the podium when we arrive on the second day. There is a distinct rise in the temperature. She is holding a pink wineglass sideways. This she says is her “yoni,” the Sanskrit word for vulva. Charles brandished a wand-like swizzle stick he called his “vajra” “It’s necessary for both man and woman to view the vagina in a new way,” he says-“a special place, a temple, a pleasure palace. It’s a gateway to the energy of a woman that is holy and healing. “With the swizzle stick, Charles indicates a point inside the upper curve of the glass corresponding to about an inch inside the vagina. This, finally, is the Sacred Spot. “In the yoni is stored a conglomerate of mixed energies,’ says Charles. It may feel bruised, it may feel burning. There may be emotional tension as layers of fear and guilt come up. This is an energetic entry point which enables people to access, in a very easy way, their past, the experiences that caused them to close down their sexual energy.”

Then he finally told the men what to do: “use the third or fourth finger,” he said. “Palm upwards, reach into the vagina and curt the finger towards you in a kind of “come hither” gesture. First just hold the contact without movement, letting the woman’s consciousness meet your fingers. After one minute begin linear stroking, experimenting with yin and yang qualities. Gradually proceed to all the other strokes – pulsing, tapping, vibrating – using a circular motion or going side to side. After trying all these strokes in their yin and yang expressions, make a dance of all of them.”

But first you had to find the spot. Male sex scientists, in the 70s and 80s, had questioned the existence of such a spot as if it were a mythical Loch Ness monster, but many women know it from personal experience. Enough, anyway to provide a market for the G-spot stimulators sold in women’s sex stores and catalogs. Sometimes called the “urethral sponge,” it is an area of tissue that swells when stimulated. I knew it well from masturbation and from the surprisingly powerful pleasure when my lover’s penis thrust against it in intercourse, particularly in woman-on-top or rear-entry positions. But never before had I heard it explained and anatomized in such specific detail.
It is obvious, though seldom mentioned, that each woman’s vaginal geography is different, so the spot does not lie in any one position. But most women have no trouble identifying the erotic sensation when a partner simulates it. The spot often feels like a small bean, and in some women swells to the size of a silver dollar.

The trip for a woman during sacred spot massage, Charles explained, might be as varied as a roller coaster ride, a mix of great pleasure and energy, and then a little orgasm, and perhaps a burning sensation, and then laughter, and tears. “And all that,” he said, “can happen in three minutes.”

Now, Caroline took the women upstairs, while the men stayed behind with Charles. “It is our sacred right to receive as much orgasmic pleasure as we can,” she told us, We women should feel free to revel in the experience, to feel we deserve this devotion to our pleasure. Everyone knew what she was talking about – the voice in the mind that said: “Isn’t his hand getting tired? Do I really need this?” Caroline was here to tell us,we did. “The real question,” she said, “is how much pleasure can you stand?”

Among the women in the group, I was most intrigued by Samantha, a woman with a straightforward sensuality dressed in a T-shirt and a wraparound saxong, who mentioned that she was very orgasmic and by two women in their late twenties, Linda and Louise, who had come to the workshop together-with one man. The three of them were considering doing Sacred Spot massage as a threesome.

My mate later filled me in on what had happened with the men. “Don’t pick a fight on your way home,” Charles told them. “Make this night a special night, like no other night before. Tonight you will be giving in love-without expecting anything back-instead of giving for love. Make this and exercise in your giving to her: to honor her, to serve her, to heal her, to let her know how much you love her. You will find that your beloved’s Shakti (life force, spiritual energy) is also empowering you, filling you with energy and creativity. You will also find that the sexual appetite of a woman once heated and awakened is usually much greater than that of a man, And a woman who finds it easy to orgasm and to experience great pleasure is very open to sexual sharing on a daily basis.”

Charles had told us not to fight and we didn’t-out loud, About it was already 9:30 and we hadn’t had dinner. And when Keith announced he had to go home to feed his pet rabbit, I felt my Shakti fading. It was midnight when we got back to my house and we were both exhausted. We agreed to save the homeplay for the morning, although we were due back in class at 10 am.

When we arrived late, again, Sunday morning despite ourselves, we began with the group sharing what had happened to them the night before. “It’s being able to trust yourself to trust somebody else,” Samantha was saying, “to go to a new deep level.” Her partner was a tall, older man with long hair, who seemed wise and sympathetic. “I
started off with a burning sensation, but then I remembered Caroline talking about how that might happen and that if you breathed into it, you could get past that,” she said. “I was really nervous. He said,’I’m here for.’ I said, ‘Are you sure?’

“We kind of relaxed into it. At first I thought,’what’s going on? I’m not really feeling anything.’ As he moved his finger to different spots, I started to get excited. I had a small orgasm, and I said to myself, ‘ok, I’m used to multi-orgasms, I’ll go with this.’ I started coming and I started crying. Then I started screaming. He started screaming with me. OK, we both started screaming. At one point, he put his hand on my butt and I thought, Oh my god.’ He kept going. I kept breathing. I started thinking, ‘how can he go on so long?’ And then I let go of that and just kept breathing. Then I started getting chills through my body, a tingling through my whole body as if I was a tuning fork. All of a sudden, I reached this crescendo. My body went into such vibrations I started coming like that. He started bringing his hand out from my body and I felt like my orgasm was extending out a foot from my body. I was, like, in awe. He was in awe. We were looking at one another, like, Omigod. He was very happy for me and I could see that. Like, “Yes!”
No one besides Samantha reported levitation, but there were other extraordinary stories. Several women told about reliving and releasing experiences of sexual abuse. One couple had come to the seminar before and were taking it again as the prelude to their wedding. “For the first time I felt like I really, truly trusted him,” the bride-to-be reported. “All the way.”

Linda and Louise had indeed decided to do their homeplay as a threesome. “None of the three of us expected anything of what happened,” Louise told me. “Linda and I had known one another for a year; I didn’t know Michael well. On Saturday, the three of us decided we were going to spend the evening together. It was almost like being in a temple and going through a sacred rite. It was very healing. We all worked toward that. Part of the time I was holding Linda’s hand, part of the time, I was just sitting there. When it was my turn, I went through a lot of strong emotion and crying, which had to do with healing incest issues. We didn’t plan it, but it was very good for all of us. One of the results for me was that I decided I wanted to create a loving, monogamous relationship in which to explore this.”

Six months later I chatted with a few women who’d taken the seminar. I was surprised at how many described the experience as “wonderful” or “transformative.” One told me how she had an orgasm for the first time since she’d had a bad experience with a man at age 18. Another said, “the most profound thing for me was ‘a much greater confidence in my own intuitive desires. It caused a real shift in power for me, a shift in confidence and self-confidence. My boyfriend said to me,’when I was watching you, I realized you can do anything.’ I really do feel that. It’s changing my life; it’s opening me up so that I’m very empowered.”

One of the singles, a dance teacher named Allison, said, “I’ve always been single and I’ve never had a man take care of me in that way-really honoring the woman.” She’d chosen a man named Jeffrey as her partner “because he had a sense of humor and a Way Of moving that was fluid and flexible. Basically, I felt my whole feminine energy
being honored. The workshop helped you to get out of the victim posture in your mind. For the women it’s very safe. Jeffrey and I must have gone on for three hours. He was so sensitive and courteous. He gave me all the power. I thought all my old “stuff “-stored grief, various rejections, my father not treating me well-would come up emotionally and I would get stuck in a negative emotional space. It did come up, but it moved right through. It was a tremendous relief to have a man right there during that-not fucking you but really making love to you. Because it was a free gift, it healed.

“I cried and screamed a little but then I started to experience the energy rising through my body. First I felt it in my genitals and then in my solar plexus and then my heart center opened. It felt like taking ecstasy, like liquid feeling pouring out of my heart, sweet, sweetly pouring out. It went on and on. Jeffrey, watching me, was going into ecstasy.”

Finally, afraid that I’d been talking to a bunch of New Age converts, I called a woman corporate executive I’d met at the seminar, assuming she’d be objective about it. “I got pregnant,” was the first thing she told me. “But I did learn to view sex differently, not to be so inhibited, to have more fun,” She and her husband had been practicing Sacred Spot Massage regularly, and she couldn’t wait to go back to the intermediate seminar to learn more about Tantra.

To me, the most intriguing part of Tantra was the way sacred spot massage seemed to trigger emotional reprocessing. “My feeling is you’re getting right into the chakra where the energy imprint occurred to the psyche,” Charles told Me. According to Eastern tradition, Charles explained, “if you clear the energetic imprint it’s possible for emotional healing, as well as psychological healing. Let’s talk about it, let’s see if we can understand it, let’s forgive.’ That’ll bring about healing. ‘Let’s go into emotions, now let’s use emotional release, primal scream, breathing, whatever.’ That’s an entryway, Hands on is a very classic, traditional one. When going in and touching the sacred spot, you’re at the interface of where the physical and the energetic meet. I was finding that the sacred spot was a great gateway to pleasure, and for some women a great emotional release.”

The carefully choreographed weekend I spent with the Muirs, moved my sexual loving to a higher level. No matter where you started from, the total immersion in sex talk, intimacy exercises, PC contractions, breathing exercises-and lots of lubrication, both inner and outer-were bound to take you nearer toward ecstasy, There was only one hitch: the same experiences that opened you to your emotional life might reveal truths you hadn’t seen or anticipated.. I thought I’d picked the perfect partner, but in the end Keith and I couldn’t even get it together to give the “homeplay” the time it deserved. If you can’t have a good time at a sex workshop, when can you? Although I’d felt the orgasmic power that came from sacred spot massage, true Tantra would have to wait.

Some day my Tantric prince will (make me) come.

The Tantric Path Means An Empowered Heart

By Kutira and Raphael

There is a lot of interest currently in Tantra. People are looking for what is missing in their relationships, in their life, and have a feeling that all is not what it could be. The orientation of our culture is to look for how to get more and better. A better body, better sex, more money, more power. Tantra is not about more or better. It is about deeper. Going deeper into yourself and increasing your capacity to go deeper into others.

For 5000 years, Taoist masters have created simple and powerful techniques for prolonging a healthy and fulfilling life. When these techniques are empowered in the heart they become miraculous, enabling the channeling of sexual energy upward through the body, revitalizing the body and reconnecting us with the sacred. When these techniques are practiced and used to open and empower the heart we discover passion and power, ecstasy and creativity, and the key to eternal love.

In Tantra what we are talking about is sexual love towards God. Understand that sexual energy and life energy are one and the same. The same energy that a karate expert uses to break through bricks is the same energy that you experience in a sexual orgasm.

For most of us, this energy goes down and out. Women have babies, and menstrual cycles, men ejaculate. That is energy going out. And we get tired and old. Now what happens, when we bring this energy up the spine, it rejuvenates the body, it brings sexual energy into the heart where it is experienced as prayer, and sexual energy into the mind where it is experienced as visions and revelations, and brings the energy even higher, to that place where you and I are the same being. Have you ever noticed that an orgasm is more than physical, it’s spiritual? Everything leading to the orgasm is very physical but the orgasm itself…..I mean forget logic and reason and time-space reality, that all goes down the drain and have you ever noticed that when you have an orgasm you feel very light and yet very strong at the same time? It’s a very real and powerful energy. Now what happens when a woman has a thirty minute orgasm or a man becomes multi orgasmic?

The Tantric path is more than techniques. It is a way of opening yourself to the creative energy of the universe, un-concealing the Tantric self within each of us. It is a joyful surrender to unconditional love. So unconditional that you embrace all parts of your self, you openly accept the truth of your being and express it. Letting go of judgments about yourself and others. Letting go of fears and having the courage to communicate freely your truth at any moment. Unconditional love. Empowering yourself. Empowering others. Freedom of oneself.
Then things happen. Especially in regard to rejuvenating the spirit and the body. So welcome to the world of Tantra.

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What is Tantra?

By Joan & Tomas Heartfield, Ph.D.

More and more people want to deeply understand the right use of sexuality. Most of us have been unconscious in the ways we have been sexual. It may be the least understood aspect of our humanity. If animals have sexuality and humans have it, is it the same? What is the difference? More specifically what CAN the difference be? We see sexuality as a force that connects us deeply to ourselves and the mystery of our existence.

Joseph Campbell the great anthropologist said it this way: “Most people think that the thing we are looking for in life is meaning”. He added. ” I don’t think that’s it at all. I think that most people are looking for an experience which connects them to the ecstasy of what it could feel like to be totally alive. To know the unburdened state of total aliveness is the pinnacle of the human potential.” Campbell explored all of the worlds religions with an unequalled depth of perception and synthesis. He was able to distill that which we know as the core of the human condition. Sacred Sexuality or Tantra can fulfill this need if practiced consciously and learned from a source with knowledge, integrity, and skill. Indeed in its highest expression. Tantra is the Yoga of everything.

The theme for this weeks column is sexuality. We get many questions about sexuality and indeed many of them come from our counseling work with couples. It’s a bit long but we have decided to keep the response intact rather than two parts. So this weeks column is longer than usual.

There are so many positions of Love:
Each curve on a branch,
The thousand different ways your eyes can embrace us,
The infinite shapes your Mind can draw,
The spring orchestra of scents,
The currents of light combusting like passionate lips,
The revolution of Existence’s skirt whose folds contain other worlds,
Your every sigh that falls against His inconceivable Omnipresent Body.
Hafiz

What is Tantra?

Q. Jay Lenow was talking about Stings four hour orgasms the other night and he attributed it to Tantra. Jay had a lot of fun with it and now it seems Tantric Sex is a new catch phrase to describe great sex. What is it exactly and how do I find it? My husband says let’s try it. I’m hesitant. It seems like a hype to me. We have great sex. Is it all it is cracked up to be? The Yoga of sex? I’m still confused about it all. I love your responses to relationship stuff. Your opinion is greatly appreciated. J.S. Kihei

A. True Shivaic Tantra is part of an ancient Spiritual practice, which elevated sexuality to a sublime meditative state. The sexual aspect was only part of a bigger experience. Some Sources date Indian Tantric origins up to 3000 or more years ago. It generally is not practiced openly and has been underground for hundreds of years. It was Goddess based and the feminine reigned supreme. Some scholars and spiritual teachers express resentment at the adulteration which has occurred in the West’s interpretation of a complex spiritual practice our culture cannot fully understand. However, Western modes of Tantra have emerged that help us refocus our sexuality as a way to connect to the Divine in each other and ourselves. As a society we are still repressed and freeing ourselves from Puritan influences that made sex dirty, secretive and disempowering to women. In this regard, Tantra is a mode of liberation and release from this guilt. It integrates our sexuality into a matrix of worshipful prayer like awareness. It can be a virtual conduit to the Divine, which transports the participants into a state of ecstatic bliss. A true practitioner is reverent of every touch and glance as a divine gift.

Tantra is rapidly becoming a catch phrase for an elevated sexual experience. It is now mainstream and getting more so. Though many “gradients” of quality seem to exist, any activity that brings more reverence and respect to the world is good. Indeed, seeing our sexuality as sacred is the best antidote we know for things like pornography, perversion and sexual abuse. Supporting a spiritual awareness which makes us whole and integrated can be a form of awakening. There are a handful of men and women who have been trained in “sexual healing”, a very real experience needed by people who have been damaged in this regard. Some Tantric practitioners integrate this activity. The movie Bliss touched on this.

Tantric practitioners are everything from “the real deal” to sexual therapists cashing in on the term. Nonetheless, there is generally compassion and caring which can be refreshingly healing for those who are open to exploration. We have within us aspects and powers undiscovered in our de-sensitized world of indifference to the sacred. Any practice which can transform us into more loving, caring and joyous humans is worthwhile, and bringing a prayerful attitude into the bedroom can alleviate most sexual problems.

Kalu Rimpoche, the Dalai Lama’s teacher says there are three paths to enlightenment. The fastest is sacred sexuality or Tantra. The second fastest is music. The slowest but the surest is meditation. Because of all the unclarity and wounding associated with our sexuality, the danger of misuse of our sexual assets can be perceived as dangerous. When the higher aspects are in control of our sexuality, movement into the heavenly realms is assured.