Part 1 of 4 Monthly Blogs by Anyaa: PTSD: A Prevailing Condition in our Time

In the past few years, I’ve become acutely aware that we all have PTSD, whether it’s a big Trauma or a little trauma, a big Stress or a little stress. According to the American Psychiatric Association, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, rape or other violent personal assault.”

But it’s not just the above scenarios that cause trauma. PTSD is a favorite collective buzz-phrase these days, as many of us refer to having PTSD when we experience some kind of stressful event in our lives. Stress is way too common now, as our personal predicaments, national atrocities, and planetary dilemmas keep increasing. We are truly in a Dark Night of the Soul as a planet. I recently spent some time again with spiritual teacher and author Andrew Harvey, who I first heard speak of our planetary crisis in a deeply meaningful way. He reminds us to navigate these times with both a spiritual connection and a choice to take action: the Sacred Activist. Otherwise, there is no meaning to our suffering, and despair is one of the shadow emotions that can creep into our lives. I have some suggestions for taking spiritual action, and as with the link above to an 8-minute video on Andrew and Sacred Activism, I will provide links to a few resources and some inspiration as we go along.

Our personal traumas can include death and suicide…are you like me and hear about someone close to you or within a few degrees of separation leaving the planet, on an almost daily basis? I am not referring to the mainstream news, which tends to highlight death and violence and can cause trauma in and of itself. I am referring to people we know or that are connected to those we know.  Another form of personal trauma can be an interaction, ordeal or attack, with or from a group, a corporation, or an individual that went badly, resulting in verbal abuse, scapegoating, expulsion, or a legal situation; a divorce or separation; loss of a job, income or living situation; an illness, hospitalization, or accident (it doesn’t have to be “bad” by other people’s standards, but it can still cause trauma, pain, and loss for you); others close to you experiencing any of the above; caretaking an ill or dying loved one; a job that creates so much stress and tension it’s difficult to function; and memories of past traumatic events that are surfacing and have been unprocessed. I am constantly amazed at the unimaginable stories I hear on a daily basis. Witnessing trauma also qualifies. My personal sorrow is the way we treat animals, and if you read about or witness the abuse of an animal, like me, it might stay with you as trauma. If you do Facebook, watch TV or the news, you can be sure that you are adding more stress to your already stressful life unless you are very discriminating or are more tolerant of violence than I am.

Many people are functioning on the surface of things, fearful that the next shoe will drop and anxious about the future as if they will not be able to get through whatever surfaces. Barbara Hand Clow, a spiritual teacher, author, and astrologer, wrote a book in 2000 called Catastrophobia: The Truth Behind Earth Changes in the Coming Age of Light. She believes that as a species we carry the memory of a time 11,500 years ago when the earth experienced a great cataclysm, also called the Great Flood in Christianity, but recorded in various ways by many cultures. This memory gets played upon by the Global Elite to evoke fears about our future and future disasters. Of course, there are many reasons to believe that humanity and nature are in grave danger these days, and I will cover this in greater depth in my Collective Death Wish blog, Part 2. 2020 is upon us, named the Turning Point by Daniel Giamario, creator of Shamanic Astrology, also called the Giamario Approach. In addition to the agendas of the power brokers on planet earth, we very well may be carrying an ancient trauma within us that has not been fully processed.

My own story of PTSD this year started with the sudden death of my precious 10-year old girl-dog, Ena. But it was the getting up in the middle of the night to drive an hour to the Asheville emergency clinic and have to leave her there that haunted me nightly, and the “what ifs”, and “I should haves” that I ruminated about for 6 months afterward. I spent many nights waking up at the exact time I made the decision to take her in, and not being able to go back to sleep easily. Sleep disorders are common for many these days. I imagine that they will increase in collective humanity until we can find better ways to fully process our traumas, and come home to ourselves. The Medical Medium Anthony William says that we can lose parts of our heart, our spirit or our soul and that healing any of these aspects of ourselves takes acceptance and time.

A month or so after Ena left, I had an experience with a neighbor and his son, who have a collection of beautiful German Shepherds that are confined in a small space. I hear them regularly and am always sending out healing light to them. There seems to always be one who cries out, and upon asking the young man who owns them, I learned, “they get a little aggressive at feeding time”. I brought them a bag of treats once and asked him to consider re-homing the one who gets beat up, but that was an affront to his ego and I received a negative response. After that, I either called on the phone when I had a concern or emailed the roofing company where the dogs live. One night after hearing one of the dogs crying for a straight 24-hour period, I emailed and asked them to please help this dog to feel better. A day or so later I heard one gunshot, and never heard that dog cry again. We live in the heart of the Smoky Mountains, and as beautiful and safe as my life is, there are those around us with values that are not mine, and who live very differently. As much as it broke my heart, I chose to process this with the belief that this dog was obviously unloved and is now in a better place. I asked the Goddess to bring her/him a next incarnation that was loving and kind. It took a while, but because of my spiritual connection, I was able to let it go.

I am one who cannot watch violence on TV. I have been this way since I was a child. I could not watch the old 50’s cowboy and Indian movies, and as an adult, I have turned off or walked out of many films. I do not understand why we are subject to so much violence except as a way to condition us to tolerate it. In my case, I love the Outlander series; the characters, the story, Scotland (I am 49% Scotch-Irish and have had many lifetimes there), but the violence gets to me. I have gotten through all 4 seasons while I pace around my round house trying to avoid the violence as much as possible, so I can get back to the story! My own assessment is that I have experienced lots of past life violence. I had an early past-life recall of being a female spy from the North in the Civil war. I was shot and had the memory of it bleed through my dreams for years. My present lifetime has not been violent, so it demonstrates to me that we can bring these traumas with us. We can also bring trauma through our lineage, our parents, grandparents and beyond. I have worked with many clients who have unexplained trauma, and when we work together, it is amazing how other lifetimes and our ancestors’ experiences can come through. I have learned through the years that any story is possible, and all stories are valuable and healing. We can choose to open to the very real possibility that we can heal our past, our present, and heal heart, soul, and spirit.

One of the ways I cope with my stress is that I have a wonderful leaderless women’s group I meet with on a regular basis. We listen, receive and support all of what each other is experiencing in our individual lives without judgment and mostly without feedback. You might do the same: find a place you can share on a regular basis, and if there is none, create your own group. It may take some time, but I bet you can find a handful of like-minded souls who would love the same kind of support. My partner Joe has the same thing: a small men’s group where support, mutual trust, and confidentiality is cultivated, honored and respected.

The axiom that God-dess only gives us what we can handle is really being tested now. We are in need of support and coping strategies to hold ourselves and to hold each other up. I am reminded of a Jenny Bird song that I have used in many of my circles called We Hold Up Each Other. She says “..there are spaces of exuberance, moments of reprieve until another tragedy cracks us open and we grieve. How do we stay emblazoned, tenaciously endure? We hold up each other.

Here’s a suggestion: Look back on your 2019, and simply recognize the stressors you have experienced. List them. Perhaps you might categorize some of them as PTSD because they have felt diminishing in some way as if you have lost something. Perhaps your heart was broken or it closed down, and you lost some of your heart. Perhaps your life-force and inspiration were a bit extinguished and you lost some of your spirit, or perhaps you chose not to fully be present in your life, you want to leave, and you lost some of your soul. I encourage you to resist the notions that you are being negative, making things up, feeling sorry for yourself, that your situation is not that bad or others have it worse than you, you have no reason to complain, etc. This is just our cultural conditioning that tells us to minimize and repress our pain, keep a brave face, a stiff upper lip, and by all means don’t cry or show your vulnerability. Once you have listed everything that has happened in your life this year, sit down with a good friend and tell them your story. You may find it healing and rejuvenating to admit to another how much you have been through. Be sure and admit to them and yourself that you are brave, still standing and that you deserve good things. Find some ways to give yourself some nurturing, self-care and celebrate yourself!

If you desire some expertise in working through a trauma, or a series of them in your life, consider my personal intensives.  I schedule several of them a year, in my home, when I am not traveling or participating in another project. And, if you want more inspiration and resources for working with stress, listen to my recent 40-minute interview on The Power of Inner Connection Summit called Ceremony and the Sacred.

 

The Perils of the Patriarchy by Gemini Adams

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From Anyaa: An Irish Sister with some powerful words in a timely rant:

“Never. Did I imagine that on this journey of life I’d end up on a stage using the words cum, tits, cunt, woman, shriveled, whore, fucking, Disney, priests, terror, at the same time. Yet, that’s what happens when you share your writings on…The Perils of the Patriarchy: An Ode

Piercing with your sword of hate,
You penetrate and poison,
The purity of humanity,
The love of the Mother,
The innocence of the sweet child,
Tearing away the right to feel safe,
Accepted,
Adored,
Inside our very own being,
Bodies,
Even our homes.

You judge, criticise, compare,
Contorting the essence of womanhood,
Which lies hidden within,
Not worn as adornments,
Bouncing Baywatch-style breast implants
Perfectly polished, plastic nails,
Prettily puckered,
And plumped lips,
Laden with lead,
Toxic, chemically coiffed hair,
Or heels that steal,
Our barefoot connection,
With Her – the Earth.

You poke, tweak,
Fuck and leave,
Calling it sex,
But we’re never impressed,
Our bodies empty of pleasure as,
Your balls of cum, when,
You’ve wastefully exploded your,
Precious,
Life-giving sperm,
Onto our tits,
Grinning with cunning,
Calling it fun.

How my heart breaks,
For your delusion,
The persuasiveness of porn,
And the empty lives it pervades,
Devoid of deep, intimate connection
Of sensual touch,
And eyes locking into gaze,
Joining souls across dimensions,
Bodies flowering,
Opening to oceans of pure, pure pleasure,
And union, as tantric centres awaken,
A vine of sacred love entwining,
With deliciously,
Deliciously, sweet satisfaction.

The Priestess knows,
Deep in her soul,
She remembers the time,
When men were not wankers,
Called to enter the Temple,
For initiation into the art of sensuality,
No late night XXX channel,
The mess, mopped up with Kleenex,
But rather,
A ceremonial ritual,
To bless and give thanks for the,
Divine elixir expressed.

She knows this isn’t the way,
T & A spread all about town,
Protruding from mini-dresses,
Plastered on billboards,
Flashing on screens,
Naked in strip clubs,
Advertising everything from,
Cars to baked beans,
How did we allow ourselves,
To be so defiled?
Where did we step down,
From our throne,
Chuck away our crown,
And accept,
Instead of being worshipped,
To be reviled?

We gave them the weapon,
We denounced our power,
Blaming them won’t help,
Silently they’ll call you a cunt,
Because they’re bitter, angry,
Lost and afraid,
These warriors know they have,
Nothing more to fight for,
The Queen has left the building,
So, what’s the point in winning?
There’s no reward in returning,
Home from battle,
To the arms of a woman,
Devastated by self-hatred.

She has nothing to give,
Her river run dry,
Her heart shrivelled in fear,
Of not being ______,
(fill in the blank) enough,
Her days spent,
Desperately scouring,
The celeb mags and sites,
To find the One,
Diet,
Dress,
Butt-lift,
Eyebrow tweeze,
Nip or tuck,
That will make her feel good again.

Just like the boy,
Whose mother,
Rejects,
And neglects,
Deep down,
The anger swells,
The pain of failing to find the,
Presence in connection,
With another,
Turns to poison,
Which must,
Be purged.

But men don’t turn this,
In on themselves,
Like us women,
Oh no,
They have a divining rod,
Rather than a receptacle,
An arrow to fire,
A dagger to insert,
A gun to shoot,
A missile to aim,
At target unknown.

Bitch
Mother
Sister
Slapper
Vixen
Virgin
Wife
Whore
Does it really matter?
As long as it has real,
T & A and isn’t a,
Masquerading Ladyboy.

The point is,
Aim for the Vagina,
With the venomous blade,
To direct,
And conquer,
To release,
And unleash,
All the pent up rage,
At no longer having a Queen,
To stand strong for,
To serve,
To be sure of.

Externalised,
This transmutes into,
The raw agony of a mother,
Hearing her husband,
Fucking her under age daughter,
The weeping virgin sold as bride,
To a deviant middle aged man,
The cute chica from the club,
Whose consent was compromised,
The minute he gave her ketamine,
Waking the next day,
Wondering why she’s so sore?

The pretty princess,
Deluded by Disney,
To be nice and polite,
And silently wait,
For the prince,
To come rescue her,
From the big bad dragon,
Or wake her from the,
Thousand year sleep,
Giving her life,
As if she’s incapable,
Of making it,
Without his assistance.

The lady,
Sprinting from the terror,
Of the man’s footsteps,
That follow her,
Down the dark alley,
Or the woman who,
Lies awake at night,
Waiting,
For the drunken assault,
That’s going to rearrange,
Her furniture,
Or face.

The yogi devoted to her Swami,
Until his fingers force their way,
Into her Lululemon pants,
While she’s in,
Downward facing dog,
Freezing with fear,
And uncertainty,
As he suggestively says,
Just surrender,
To my healing hands.

The innocent girl,
Seeking stardom,
Forced to secure her role,
Not with talent,
But, an uncomfortable night,
On the casting couch,
Contorting her principles,
With a Hollyweird producer,
Claiming first dibs,
As he gifts her a place,
Not on the Oscar nominees list,
But in the swelling ranks of,
The #MeToo movement.

The mother who blindly,
Follows Him,
Praying as she,
Places her kids innocently,
Into the sticky-fingered paws,
of popes and priests,
Unaware of the perils,
And perversions,
They’ll endure at the,
Hands of these,
Ahem ….
Holy men.

Others tout the benefits of polyamory,
A paradigm for the New Earth,
They claim,
But isn’t it just,
Acting out the wounding,
And unmet desires for attention,
Of a child,
Who failed to receive,
From their avoidant,
Alcoholic,
Absent,
Or abusive parent?

My friends,
What kind of world,
Are we co-creating here?
Where you prick away at,
Our safety,
Our right to belong,
In a world of loving kindness,
Yet truly,
I fear,
Your pain,
Is worse than ours.

Because, inside you know,
You toppled her,
You killed the Queen,
You chose to murder the Mother,
For your own convenience,
A moment of peace,
A position of power,
To rule the kingdom your way,
To have us follow,
Yet, you have failed.

It takes two to tango,
One man dancing alone,
Swinging his dick,
Like a disco queen,
Ain’t romantic,
Or sexy, either,
Devoid of a woman’s passion,
Electricity
Fire,
Creativity
Sensuality and
Wild abandon.

Endless emotion,
Sweetness,
Softness,
Connection,
Explosive desire,
And, most obviously,
Heart,
No-one desires to dance alone,
Yet, you’ve made it so,
Forcing us to abandon you,
So, now you’re waltzing solo.

And, what a mess you’re making,
Two steps when it should be one,
You’re limp,
When you need to be strong,
Your pace is pathetic,
Rather than poetic,
The music plays,
But it no longer moves you,
The strings scream at your heart,
Yet, the response is silence,
Sealed shut to emotion,
Like the lid of an ancient tomb.

Stuck in this darkness, we weep,
Mind, body, heart and soul,
Desperately praying for a saviour,
To come,
God, Jesus, Allah, anyone?
Someone who will rescue us from this,
But, they are all men,
Where, oh where is the Goddess?
Chastised,
Buried,
Forgotten.

Yet, we need her alive,
In the wombs of our sisters,
She lurks,
As a fox burrowed in its lair,
Waiting,
For What?
Now,
The time has come,
We cannot allow,
This anymore,
Not on our watch.

The hands of History,
Are quickly,
Changing direction,
Us and them,
No longer works,
Her story is needed,
It’s time to turn,
Me on its head,
So it becomes We,
Are in this together,
Called, loudly…

To unite,
Heal this pain,
His and Hers,
So that together,
We can co-create,
a Safer World.”

– Gemini Adams, 2018

#timesup #safeworldsummit #safeireland

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Why It Is Wise to Worship a Woman

Arjuna Ardagh

A few days ago, after a particularly exquisite evening with my wife Chameli, I put this post up on Facebook before going to bed:

“I have had many, many great teachers in my life. A super abundance. No one and nothing comes close to the woman who is now asleep in the bedroom. My marriage has become the guru, the salvation, the muse, the crack through which the divine shines through.”

When I woke up the next morning, there were the usual offerings of people who liked the post as well as comments. One man had the vulnerability and courage to post this on facebook:

“Thank you Arjuna for this sharing, I feel like [I’m] in front of a choice which is between feeling envious of what you have and I don’t, or instead to decide that ‘I want that too,’ and, as you show, it is possible…”

I was touched.

Over the next days, I got several more messages like this from men: vulnerable men, honest men, rare and courageous men. They came in as private messages on Facebook or through our website, and they all said basically the same thing: “I read your Facebook post. I want what you have. Show me how to get it.”

So, friends, here it is. The short guide on how to worship a woman, and why it’s the wisest thing that a man can do. First of all, lets pop a few very understandable doubts that you might have. I’m familiar with all of them.

1. “I’m wounded and damaged in my relationships to the feminine.” So am I, dear brother, so am I. My parents divorced in a messy way when I was four. I grew up alone with my mother. She did her very best to provide for me, but she was unhappy and insecure. By the time I started to have relationships with women myself in my early teens, I discovered that I had a mountain of resentments, fears, and separation in my relation to the feminine. The conscious practice of worship can become a part of healing the wounds.

2. “Arjuna, you’re lucky. You’ve got an incredible partner. I’m together with a woman who’s not like Chameli.” I really don’t have the ultimate answer to that doubt or question. It certainly could seem to be the case that I’ve been lucky in finding a great woman, but here’s how it happened for me. I’ve had a lot of less lucky connections in my life. I’ve experienced my share of the manipulative side of the feminine: the victim, the rageful, the vengeful. And I have seen the ugly side of the masculine psyche in myself. A few weeks prior to meeting Chameli, my wife, something deep and profound shifted in me, which I believe can shift for anyone in the same way.

3. “I don’t have a partner at all, and I sometimes doubt if I’ll ever meet anybody.” Being with a partner where worship is not flowing, or not being with a partner at all, are basically two aspects of the same situation: you’ve had an intuition or a glimpse of the possibilities of a deeper love, and you want more of it. The solutions are the same.

4. “I feel my heart is closed down. I live in my head a lot, and I wouldn’t even know what worship was if it broke into my house at 2 o’clock in the morning and held me at gunpoint.” That’s where the whole thing starts for all of us, when we realize that we don’t yet know how to love. And that’s that the big question that you have to consider: “Is that okay with me?” Never mind how much money you make, or how many friends you have on Facebook, no matter how nice a house you live in, or no matter how big a car you drive, no matter how impressive your partner’s bust size, or how much you meditate and become spiritual… have you loved for real, in a total and undefended way? If not, and here’s where you have to be honest with yourself, is that OK with you? Is it OK to die one day without the heart’s gift having been fully given?

Eight or nine years ago, I came to that question in myself, exactly that, and I discovered that the answer was, if I was was raw and vulnerable and uncomplicated, that it was actually not OK. If I died one day without having fully loved, it would not have truly been a life well lived.

Many many years ago, I went to Bali for a vacation, on my own. I met up with some other young travelers there and we hired a Jeep to take us on a tour of the island. We drove up right to the highest point of the island, where Tourists don’t usually go. Our guide took us to one of the most sacred temples. It was surrounded by a big brick wall with an ornate entrance. After removing our shoes and wrapping scarves around our heads, we stepped together through this entrance. Inside, there was a short courtyard and then another brick wall with another entrance. After more preparations of lighting incense and giving offerings, we stepped through the second entrance. We were allowed to go through the opening in one more wall, but that was it. All together there were ten walls around the deity in the middle. Hindus could go beyond the fourth wall. Devotees of that particular deity could go beyond the fifth wall, and so it went on. The only people allowed to approach the deity directly were those who had given their lives completely and totally to its worship. Everyone else could come a little closer, a little closer, to the innermost beauty, but not all the way to the center.

I’m not a big believer of the worship of statues, but there’s a beautiful symbolism to what I saw there, because a woman’s heart is just like that. At the essence of every woman’s heart is the divine feminine. It contains everything that has ever been beautiful, or lovely, or inspiring, in any woman, anywhere, at any time. The very essence of every woman’s heart is the peak of wisdom, the peak of inspiration, the peak of sexual desirability, the peak of soothing, healing love. The peak of everything. But it’s protected, for good reason, by a series of concentric walls. To move inwardly from one wall to the next requires that you intensify your capacity to devotion, and as you do so, you are rewarded with Grace. This is not something you can negotiate verbally with a woman. She doesn’t even know consciously how to open those gates herself. They are opened magically and invisibly by the keys of worship.

If you stand on the outside of the outermost wall, all you have available to you, like many other unfortunate men, is pornography. For $1.99 a minute, you can see her breasts, maybe her vagina, and you can stimulate yourself in a sad longing for deeper love.

Step through another gate, and she will show you her outer gift-wrapping. She’ll look at you with a certain twinkle in her eye. She’ll answer your questions coyly. She’ll give you just the faintest hint that there is more available.

Step through another gate with your commitment, with your attention, with the small seedlings of devotion, and she’ll open her heart to you more. She’ll share with you her insecurities, the way that she’s been hurt, her deepest longings. Some men will back away at this point. They realize that the price they must pay to go deeper is more than they are willing to give. They start to feel a responsibility. But for those few who step though another gate, they come to discover her loyalty, her willingness to stick with you no matter what, her willingness to raise your children, stick up for you in conversation, and, if you are lucky, even pick up your dirty socks now and then. And so it goes on. You’ve got the gist by now.

Somewhere around the second wall from the center, she casts the veils of her personality aside, and shows you that she is both a human being and also a portal into something much greater than that. She shows you a wrath that is not hers, but all women’s. She shows you a patience that is also universal. She shows you her wisdom. At this point you start to experience the archetypes of women, who have been portrayed as goddesses and mythological figures in every tradition.

Then, at the very center, in the innermost temple itself, all the layers of your devotion are flooded with reward all at once. You discover the very essence of the feminine, and in a strange way that is not exactly romantic, but profoundly sacred all the same, you realize that you could have got here with any woman if you had just been willing to pass through all the layers of initiation. Any woman is every woman, and every woman is any woman at the same time. When you love a woman completely, at the very essence of her being, this is the one divine feminine flame. It is what has made every woman in history beautiful. It’s the flame behind the Mona Lisa, and Dante’s Beatrice, and yes, also Penelope Cruz and Heidi Klum. You discover the magic ingredient which has lead every man to fall in love with a woman.

When you learn how to pay attention to the essence of the feminine in this way, you fall to the floor in full body prostration, tears soaking your cheeks and clothes, and you wonder how you could have ever taken Her, in all of Her forms, for granted even for a second.

So just a couple small questions remain. First, do you get what I’m talking about? Does it jive for you? Does it make sense? And second, if yes, how are you going to get from where you are now to being able to the full capacity of your heart to love for real? I’d be glad to share more about this if we get to know each other better, but here’s how you get started.
First, do what I did, and create an altar in your room dedicated to Divine Feminine. Put only symbols of the feminine on it. I have a painting called “Beatrix” by Dante Gabriel Rossetti. I have a statue of Quan Kin. Populate your altar with anything that reminds you of the feminine, and spend a few minutes of the day in worship. Yes, worship. Adoration. Devotion. Offer up rose petals. Offer poems. Offer everything, and beg Her to reveal Her innermost essence to you. This will work miracles whether you’re single and waiting to meet the right woman or whether you’re already in relationship and long to meet your woman in a deeper way.

The second way to get started: make a practice, a discipline, of telling your woman, or any woman, ten times a day something which you adore about her. “I love the smell of your shampoo.” “I love the way you laugh.” “The color of your eyes is so beautiful.” Of course, you need to keep it appropriate. You can go as far out on a limb as you like if you’re in relationship with a woman, but with anyone else remember the gates. Keep you communication appropriate to the gate number that you find yourself at. Appreciation the curve of a woman’s breast, for example, if she happens to be the cashier at the supermarket, would equate more to harassment than worship.
So here’s enough to get started. Of course, there’s a lot more we can say about this. Feel free to post your comments below, and I’ll use them as the foundation for future blogs.

Follow Arjuna Ardagh on Twitter: www.twitter.com/awakeningcoach

Diving Deeper Together: Couples Need Renewal!

By Anyaa McAndrew & Gary Stamper

We had time together a few nights ago to just relax and review the last several months. It has taken a toll on both of us to build and get into our new home, and my mother died in the meantime, and I said good-bye to my beloved girl-dog. I am in menopause and Gary is still finding his new identity in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina , far, far away from the familiar Northwest. We are finally at a place were we can let go a bit, and it’s now time for us to actually have some down-time together. We talked about our inner thoughts and feelings about life in these times and our immense appreciation of what we have created together. We have booked a short vacation in the fall, and another week in January.

We wonder what life would be like if we did not take those small and larger spaces of time together? In our couples work in the world, we sometimes see couples who really do not know each other very well. Perhaps they don’t make the time to talk deeply, or perhaps they’ve drifted apart. Some couples simply give up trying to communicate and make a lot of assumptions about what the other feels, thinks, wants and desires. Life gets way too predictable, and there seem to be no surprises left. But a boring relationship is often simply a lack of renewal-time. Just as we feel the call to do a cleanse or take a retreat, couples need time to go deeper together, clearing out the old misconceptions and renewing their connection.

We live in an intentional community with other couples, and we so appreciate the company of other two-somes, and it’s fun to talk about our relationships in an open and honest way with each other without violating boundaries.

We trust each other, and many of us have known each other for a long time, and perhaps even in previous lives. We plan things together such as meals and hikes and sometimes vacations, or projects where we teach together. Sometimes we do each other’s work, and learn from each other. I have come to really honor all of us as conscious couples and what we stand for. We have had so few authentically happy, close and couples to look to for how to make relationship work really well.

The couples that show up for our workshops are doing their work not only for themselves but for their children, grandchildren, parents and ancestors. We feel that relationship is a spiritual path; that it is where we wake up to our real selves, and get the chance to be our best self. If the climate in our relationship is emotionally safe, which takes daily work, we have a place to be who we really are, in our shadow and our light, good days and bad, dark nights and celebratory times. If the climate is not safe, we regress, repress and suppress our real selves, and our growth as individuals and as a couple gets blocked. Many people go to workshops and processes by themselves, to fill the need for a safe space to grow spiritually, and eventually the changes that happen will challenge the relationship. We see many couples who come apart because one of them refuses to do the work to keep current with their partner’s growth.

Anyaa facilitates women’s spiritual work, and Gary facilitates work with men. We feel these two paths are extremely important and necessary. Women need to individuate from the Patriarchal Society that has overrun our authentic feminine power and our inner spiritual authority. Men need to grow past the hard and soft patriarchies that have also numbed their souls, and reclaim their masculinity as Noble or Spiritual Warriors.

Couples need to learn to hold space for those separate paths, while also doing the profound work of relationship, diving deeper together as soul-partners towards what is called Sacred Union. The Planet is demanding that we all find a way to stand in our power and get along together, to resolve our differences and move to a place of dissolving meaningless ego-conflict for the highest good of all. Conscious Coupleship is the model for this. As more couples come together at a higher octave of forgiveness, understanding, safety, love and trust, we have more of a chance for peace. When couples come together in groups of couples, we learn from each other, and support each other’s relationships. Chances are, despite any problems experienced in relationship, you’re already with the right person – Now it’s just a matter of learning how use your relationship as a launching pad for your next realization. We feel it’s time to see couples as powerful spiritual beings unto themselves that can change the world, one couple at a time!

© August, 2009

Women’s Sexual Healing: From Feminism to the Divine Feminist by Anyaa McAndrew and Candy Hadsall

We are priestesses. We are also feminists. In the 1970s and ’80s spirituality and feminism took separate paths. Subsequent changes have influenced us to want more than just power in the world. We want sexual power, freedom and pleasure. It is our birthright and the domain of the Sacred Feminine, the Goddess, the Universal Energy that is re-emerging.

We both come from political perspectives that know women are now standing on the shoulders of a worn-out patriarchal system that has repressed, denied and demonized women’s sexuality. Male dominated cultures down through the ages have defiled the Divine nature of the archetypes of the sacred sexual priestess and healer and made them into servants of pornography and prostitution. As priestesses we see the need for women to stand in their own spiritual authority, re-claim from the religious elite the right to stand between heaven and earth, and do ritual and ceremony with powerful intention for healing ourselves, our planet and all beings. We know this cannot work if we carry shame, abuse and blockage in our sexual centers because our sexuality is the source of our spiritual power.

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